On the night of April 19, 2017, something happened to me that forever changed my life and who I am as a person.
But first, I would like to introduce you to my background and circumstances leading up to that point.
I grew up in a very conservative family, and we attended church almost regularly my whole life. I was involved in activities and leadership positions in the church. I was generally happy. However, as time moved on, I found that I had less and less in common with my religious and cultural surroundings.
In 2013, after much research, I decided to walk away from religion. Of course, I didn’t walk away from the idea of God or a supreme being. I was, however, walking away from injustice, corruption, intolerance, and coverups—the kinds of reprehensible things that you’re sure to find in almost any religion.
I forged along this new path, eager to learn and grow. I watched hundreds of YouTube videos on self-help, leaving religion, paranormal studies, meditation, angels, and similar New Age topics.
I made new friends and was welcomed into many classes on spiritual topics, from the conservative, to what some would consider bizarre. Feeling lied to my whole life- I was on a quest for truth. So I began my descent down the rabbit hole, and while it seemed innocent at first, it proved to be the most horrifying experience of my life.
It began with YouTube videos on the law of attraction. They explained that evil doesn’t exist- that Satan is a made-up old wives’ tale to control the population. That made sense to me. I believed it. I rationalized that people are in charge of themselves and that they are responsible for their actions. I did not think that people were being influenced for good or for evil. How could they be influenced if evil didn’t exist?
I wanted to believe that there was only good in this world. I watched so many videos where a woman channeled a “being” or a “guide” for answers about life. They asked the being questions. The being responded, taking over the body of the woman because she allowed it to. Thousands of people paid (and still pay) thousands of dollars to witness this. They also get to ask the being questions. They want the secrets to fame, money, and happiness.
I was enthralled at this process, thinking that this was an advanced being or spirit sharing ancient wisdom and secrets with its devoted followers. However, I did not realize how dangerous and harmful this process was to the person acting as the medium. No one should ever allow any being to use or have control over their body, no matter how innocent it may seem. Channeling- while intriguing to some, is dangerous to all who practice it. It comes with the life-altering consequences of demonic possession. While it was my choice to channel “spirits” (demons), I would not wish the results of those choices on anyone. Not even my worst enemy.
I didn’t just start with full-blown channeling. Instead, my trip down the New Age rabbit hole was much more subtle, down one deceitful stair step at a time.
I started meditating for hours at a time. Now, don’t get me wrong, meditation has its purpose in life. It can bring peace and relaxation to the mind and body. However, my meditations progressed into seeing flashes of images in my mind’s eye- a flower, a bird, an animal, a symbol, a number. It was always something that needed clarification, always something confusing. Confusion does not come from God. It comes from somewhere else, and it’s not good.
I kept meditating. Symbols progressed to words. Words evolved into scenes and short “video” clips. I had involuntary movements of my eyes, my head, my shoulders. I was being pushed back and forth during meditation by an unknown force. Sometimes slowly, sometimes rapidly. I thought it was all part of the experience, and it was. Little did I know that the source of this experience was demonic!
I took classes on rocks and crystals. I expected them to heal me and protect me from harm. Now, I do think rocks and crystals are beautiful. I’ve studied and collected them. However, my rocks and crystals DID NOT protect me whatsoever from the evil that I faced. So if anyone tells you that they provide protection and healing, it is a complete lie. I’ve learned (the hard way) that the only way to defend against spiritual attack is through Christ and wearing the armor of God.
At this point in my life, I was desperately seeking answers. My husband had become disabled from an accident, and I was utterly distraught. I was spiraling into depression and the unknown. I worked with pendulums, tarot cards, and dowsing rods. I’d ask these instruments- will my husband ever get better? The answer was always yes. So I had to hold on. My “spirit guides” and my “angels” had to be telling the truth. Why would they lie? They knew I was emotionally broken. They knew I needed help. So I decided to take the next step.
I wanted more answers about life. Why are we here? What is my purpose? How will we make it through this terrible blow to our lives? So I took a class on automatic writing. If you’re unaware of this process, it involves opening yourself up to whatever spirits are out there and, pen in hand, allowing them to communicate through you. Automatic writing would provide me with more answers than anything. It seemed like the best choice to get answers about my future.
It started very slowly. I allowed the spirit to take over my hand. Pictures came, numbers came, and then entire sentences. Then paragraphs. Then pages. Then complete notebooks full of my questions and their answers. The writing was in another person’s handwriting, and it was not my own.
My husband’s condition had him in bed, in pain, the majority of the day.
I was often alone and incredibly depressed. So I reached out to my newfound “friends,” “spirit guides,” and “angels” for help and answers.
They were so sweet and kind at first. The spirits seemed genuinely concerned about me and my well-being. They told me everything I wanted to hear- that all would well, that my husband would get better, that we’d have plenty of money, and that even my health would get better as well. I was overjoyed.
The spirits(demons) told me that channeling was my calling in life- and that it was my purpose is to help others with my gift. Much like the famous mediums on TV today- I was going to counsel those that needed it. I wanted to help people.
As I continued the channeling, I got the courage to ask if I could speak (write) to my deceased grandmother, and they granted my wish. I was elated. I couldn’t even believe it was possible. So I moved on to communications with my grandfather and then my great-grandparents. They knew things- personal things- about me. They told me they loved me, and “they” were an unbelievable support system that I needed at that time. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. How beautiful it all was- I honestly thought it was them.
As time wore on, my confidence in my “relatives” decreased. Specific questions regarding dates and places resulted in the wrong information. Excuses would come regarding those mistakes, followed by apologies. Then, the beings started making more aggressive demands, recommending that I work with different “angels.” I then received a message that a “fallen angel” had some critical information and wanted to work with me.
It was about this time when very, very strange things started happening in my home. There was abnormal electrical activity, noises, and items moving on their own accord. I did not know what to make of it. So instead of recognizing this as demonic poltergeist activity, I wrote it off as benevolent spirits communicating with me.
At this point, my health was deteriorating. I’d lay down at night and feel a heaviness in my back. I’d feel movement in my body that was not my own. I did not understand why everything was getting worse. The beings would notify me of messages with physical signals. They’d flutter my inner ear, they’d push me in my knees, and I would channel their messages for them. Everything was chaotic and fear-based. They told me that family members of mine were going to die soon and that I needed to prepare myself. The spirits(demons) would prepare me for these events- and we would make it through. There are many, many more details to my story and what they did to me. Some details are too disturbing to share. Some I will retain to protect others’ privacy. I do not wish to create a witchhunt or place blame. My actions were my own; I accept responsibility for them and now only want to help people in similar situations.
Eight months of communications later- my husband still wasn’t better, we were in financial ruin, my health was even worse, and none of the predictions of death had come true. Finally, reaching the bottom of the rabbit hole, I realized that the majority of the information they’d told me were false promises based upon all of my hopes and dreams. They’d tell me one truth mixed in with a hundred other lies, and I would believe them all.
In the last message I channeled, the author identified themselves as God. They said they had answers for me and to trust them. I didn’t know what to believe. I was so confused. I was so tired, so devastated, so heartbroken. They had lied to me so many times. I can’t remember what this “God” said to me, but it was pretty useless. I placed the pen down and looked up. To my shock, there were spiders in my room. They were cascading down on their webs, dangling from the ceiling right in front of my face. I was terrified. At that moment, my husband- who I’m sure was divinely inspired- opened our bedroom door and saw what was happening. He came in, killed the spiders, and we went out into the living room. Unfortunately, there happened to be more spiders out there as well. Evil was making its presence known, as it had done all along.
After we cleaned up, we just sat there. I was crying. My husband held me. He said, “Amber, I don’t know who you were talking to, but it sure wasn’t God.” Everything shifted at that point. I was tired of my life being a chaotic mess- of being fearful and crying every day. I was at complete rock-bottom.
This horrific experience had unintended consequences in every area of my life. It affected my relationships with family, friends, and spouse. I am blessed to have people in my life who stood by me when I couldn’t have been more wrong. Unfortunately, my decisions hurt their well-being. I had been stubborn, prideful, and unwilling to change.
The next day, I woke up and sat in my living room. I couldn’t believe everything that I had experienced. I was wrong. This new age method was crazy. Those weren’t my family members communicating with me and sending me messages. I googled automatic writing. It was satanic! How did I not know?!
I couldn’t believe this new information. “Satan really is real,” I thought to myself. I will never forget the moment that it hit me like a ton of bricks. I cried profusely, grieving for the excessive pain I’d caused myself and others.
I still felt movement in my back. Foreign pressure in different spots on my face. Pain. A lot of pain. Nothing could’ve prepared me for the realization that I was possessed- that I’d been channeling demons for over eight months.
I called a friend of mine who has had experience in spiritual warfare. I explained my suspicions about my situation. My friends and family came together to my rescue and provided a blessing and special prayers over me. Sweet words of comfort and instruction came, this time from Holy sources. While God comforted me in my pain, He let me know that this battle was not over yet.
I tried to go back to life as usual, but it was highly challenging. Those that shared my body caused me the most anxiety I’ve ever had in my entire life. They used every imaginable power they had to try to destroy me. For weeks I felt them moving around, somehow attached to my soul, sharing every moment of my day with me. I could not eat for days; they made my food taste bad. They made it hard to swallow. They gave me terrible nightmares. Ultimately, I lost 10 pounds. “Just kill yourself,” they told me. “End it all.” “You’ve made the biggest mistake of your life; there’s no going back.” Once again, evil was making its presence known. I often cried due to sheer anxiety. Finally, I called my friend, and he gave me the best advice in my life:
“This is your life,” he said. “It’s not theirs. You didn’t do anything that you can’t come back from. You’re going to have to force yourself to eat, no matter how bad it tastes. You can’t let them win.”
I began to eat again, a little at a time. It was not easy, but I wasn’t going to let the enemy win. I had conquered the food battle by the end of that week, but they were still there. Every night I felt them moving in my back; every night my anxiety was through the roof. I was so desperate; I didn’t know where to turn.
Could I ask God for more help? Was I allowed to ask? Was God mad at me? I wasn’t religious for years; in fact, I was anti-religion. I didn’t think any of it was real. How could it be? How did I know that Jesus was real? I didn’t ask him to die for me- I didn’t ask him to do any of those things. I wouldn’t expect anyone to die for me. It just seemed selfish of me to expect that. I didn’t know what to do, but I had to do something.
I suddenly felt impressed to ask my husband to pray over me. He saw my distress, my tears, my anxiety. These demons that had attached themselves to me were not going away. My husband looked up some biblical exorcism prayers online, placed his hands upon me while I was sobbing in bed, and recited them. They were powerful, and I felt the rage of the demons inside me. My body began to shake uncontrollably. It was a horrific experience, and my sweet and loving husband did everything he could to help me. After the prayers had ended, I just laid there. It hadn’t worked. Not by any fault of my husband’s. It’s just that God had a different plan, one that would forever change my life.
I cried some more, almost accepting my fate. My husband came to bed. He kissed me on the forehead and told me that this would just take some more time- keep having faith. He assured me that he was right there next to me and, if I needed anything, to let him know. He fell asleep.
In the darkness, I pleaded in a whisper, still crying:
“Someone, please help me.”
I begged again:
“Someone, please help me.”
Rock bottom. No help in sight. Demons are still moving.
And then I whispered:
“Jesus, help me.”
Immediately, the bedroom lit up in a beautiful white light. Every cell of my previously nonbelieving body bore witness that I was in the presence of the Son of God.
For the first time in years, I felt true peace. No more fear, no more lies, no more deception. Just peace, beautiful heavenly peace from the Prince of Peace.
Peace was followed by love. He knew my name. He told me that he loved me. He told me that I was going to make it through this experience. I nodded, and tears of gratitude streamed down my face.
Even after all I had said and done, He had the utmost compassion for me in my suffering.
The extraction began.
One by one, the Savior of the world pulled the demons from my body and sent them back from whence they came. It was a lengthy process; I did not realize how many were residing in me. I could feel them leaving, one by one. I began counting them as they left. I lost track at 35.
As each demonic entity was pulled out, I would close my eyes and see their faces. They were disgusting, misshapen, horrific images of what had lived inside of me for close to a year. Some of them were just teeth. Sharp, gnashing teeth. I was shocked but not afraid. Christ was by my side; I felt his presence- I heard his voice.
When the last demon was extracted and cast out, I had little energy left. Unable to speak, I told the Savior “thank you” in my mind and immediately fell asleep.
The following day I woke, exhausted, but with a new lease on life. There was no movement in my back. The demons were gone!
What joy! What peace! The nightmare was over. It was indeed the greatest miracle of my life, one that I will never forget.
He saved me.
I marvel that He would descend from His throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine
That He should extend His great love unto such as I
Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify
Oh, it is wonderful, that He should care for me, enough to die for me
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!
(Excerpt from the hymn I Stand All Amazed)
Jesus Christ lives.
All we need to do is ask Him for help, and He will help us. Return to Him, and He will return to you. All it takes is a tiny bit of faith. He loves all of us regardless of what we’ve done or haven’t done. He knows each of us personally and by name.
Although my experience was the most terrifying of my life, I would not change the outcome. I’m not the person I was a few years ago, and I am grateful for that.
If any of you face similar spiritual warfare, please be assured that Christ will help you in your battles.
Anyone who wants to come to Christ and needs His help can do so by themselves or any Christian faith they choose. Remember, Jesus tells us in the Bible: “Where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am also.”
We are all on the same team. We are fighting an evil that is real, and I’ve witnessed it firsthand. I didn’t believe in it for years. I was proven wrong, time and time again. My family and close friends are witnesses to these events and my truth.
If you are sad, depressed, anxious, or troubled and are looking for answers, please go straight to God our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. They will deliver the truth to your heart and mind. They will bring comfort to you and the answers you are seeking.
I want you to know that Jesus Christ is the answer. For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten Son, that whosoever should believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)
Christ is the only way to the Father and our blessed assurance of salvation to the believer.
Return to Christ- in this life, and the next.
This is my prayer for all of you- thank you for reading my story.