On the night of April 19, 2017, something happened to me that forever changed my life, and who I am as a person.
First, a little backstory.
I grew up in a very conservative family, and we attended church almost regularly my whole life. I was involved in activities and leadership positions in the church. I was mostly happy. However, as time moved on, I found that I had less and less in common with my religious and cultural surroundings.
In 2013, after much research, I decided to walk away from religion. I didn’t walk away from the idea of God, or a supreme being. I was, however, walking away from injustice, corruption, intolerance, and coverups. The kinds of reprehensible things that you’re sure to find in most any religion.
I forged along with my path, eager to learn and grow. I watched hundreds of YouTube videos on self-help, on leaving religion, on paranormal studies, meditation, angels, and similar New Age topics.
I made new friends and was welcomed into many classes on spiritual topics, from the conservative, to what some would consider bizarre. Feeling lied to my whole life- I was on a quest for truth. I began my descent down the rabbit hole, and while it seemed innocent at first, it proved to be the most terrifying experience of my life.
It began with YouTube videos on the law of attraction. They explained that evil doesn’t exist- that Satan was a made up old wives’ tale to control the population. That made sense to me. I believed it. I rationalized that people are in charge of themselves, and that they are responsible for their own actions. I did not believe that people were being influenced for good or for evil. How could they be, when evil doesn’t exist?
I wanted to believe that there was only good in this world. I watched so many videos where a woman channeled a “being” or a “guide” for answers about life. They asked the being questions. The being responded, taking over the body of the woman because she allowed it to. Thousands of people paid (and still pay) thousands of dollars to witness this, and to ask the being for their own questions. They wanted the secrets to fame, money, and happiness.
I ate it all up, not realizing that you should not allow any being to use or have control over your body, no matter how innocent it may seem. No one should be channeling any being, as we cannot authenticate their origins, their intentions, or where they come from. The consequences of opening yourself up like that to the demons that exist on this plane are dire. I would not wish the results of those choices on anyone, not even my worst enemy. I’ve lived that choice. I’ve survived that choice. We will get to more of that in a minute. I want to talk more about the subtle things that happened to me on my trip down the New Age rabbit hole.
I started meditating, for hours at a time. Now, don’t get me wrong, meditation has its purpose in life. It can bring peace, and relaxation to mind and body. However, my meditations progressed into me seeing flashes of images in my mind’s eye. A flower, a bird, an animal, a symbol, a number. It was always something that needed clarification, always something confusing. Confusion does not come from God. It comes from somewhere else, and it’s not good.
I kept meditating. Symbols progressed to words. Words progressed to scenes, and short “video” clips. I had involuntary movements of my eyes, my head, my shoulders. I was being pushed back and forth during meditation, by an unknown force. Sometimes slowly, sometimes rapidly. I thought it was all part of the experience, and it was. Little did I know that the source of this experience was demonic!
I took classes on rocks and crystals, expecting them to magically heal me or protect me from harm. Now, I do think rocks and crystals are beautiful and interesting. I’ve studied them and have collected them. However, my rocks and crystals DID NOT protect me whatsoever from the evil that I faced. If anyone tells you that they provide protection, it is a complete lie. I’ve learned (the hard way) that the only way to defend against spiritual attack is through Christ and wearing the armor of God. Back to my story.
I was desperately seeking any answer I could find. My husband had become disabled from an accident, and I was completely distraught. I was spiraling into depression and the unknown. I worked with pendulums, tarot cards, and dowsing rods. I’d ask these instruments- will my husband ever get better? The answer was always yes. I had to hold on. My “spirit guides” and my “angels” had to be telling the truth. Why would they lie? They knew me. They knew my heart was broken. They knew I needed help. I decided to take the next step.
I wanted more answers about life. Why are we here? What is my purpose? How will we make it through this terrible blow to our lives? I took a class on automatic writing. If you’re unaware of what this process is, it involves opening yourself up to whatever spirits are out there, and, pen in hand, allowing them to communicate through you. This, I thought, would provide more answers than anything. This had to be it.
It started very slowly. I allowed the spirit to take over my hand. Pictures came, numbers came, and then full sentences. Then paragraphs. Then pages. Then entire notebooks full of my questions and their answers. The writing was in another person’s handwriting, and it was not my own.
I was a broken woman. My husband’s condition had him in bed, in pain, the majority of the day. I was alone most of the time, so I would communicate with my new-found “friends”.
They were so sweet and kind at first, actually for a while. They told me everything I wanted to hear. That all would be made well, that we’d have plenty of money, that he would get better, and that my health would get better too.
They told me that I was chosen to do this- and that it was my purpose is to help others with my gift. Much like the famous mediums on TV today- I was going to counsel those that needed it. I wanted to help people. The day came when I asked to speak (write) to my deceased grandmother, and they granted my wish. I was elated. I couldn’t even believe it was possible. I moved on to communications with my grandfather, and then my great-grandparents. They knew things personal things about me. Things that only they would know. They told me they loved me, and they were an unbelievable support system that I needed at that time. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. How beautiful it all was- I truly believed it was them.
As time wore on, my confidence in my “relatives” decreased. Specific questions regarding dates and places resulted in wrong information. Excuses would come regarding those mistakes, followed by apologies. The beings started making more aggressive demands, recommending that I work with different “angels”. I was informed that a “fallen angel” had some very special messages for me, and wanted to work with me.
It was about this time when very, very strange things started happening in my home. Strange electrical activity, noises, items moving on their own accord, etc. I did not know what to make of it. Instead of recognizing this as demonic poltergeist activity, I wrote it off as benevolent spirits communicating with me.
At this point, my health was absolutely deteriorating. I’d lay down at night and feel a heaviness in my back. I’d feel movement in my body that was not my own. I did not understand why everything was getting worse. The beings would notify me of messages with physical signals. They’d flutter my inner ear, they’d push me in my knees, and I would go channel their messages for them. Everything was chaotic and fear-based. They told me that family members of mine were expected to die soon, and that I needed to be prepared. They would prepare me for these events- and we would make it through. There are many, many more details to my story and what they did to me. Some details are too disturbing to share. Some I will retain to protect others’ privacy. I do not wish to create a witchhunt or place blame. My actions were my own, I accept responsibility for them, and now only wish to help those in similar situations.
Reaching the bottom of the rabbit hole, I’d realized that 99% of the information they’d told me were false promises based upon all of my hopes and dreams. Eight months of communications later- my husband still wasn’t better, we were in financial ruin, my health was even worse, and none of the predictions of death had come true. In the last message I channeled, the author identified themselves as God. They said they had answers for me, and to trust them. I didn’t know what to believe. I was so confused. I was so tired, so devastated, so heartbroken. They had lied to me so many times. I can’t remember what it was this “God” said to me, but it was pretty useless. I placed the pen down, and looked up. To my shock, there were spiders in my room. Cascading down on their webs, dangling from the ceiling right in front of my face. I was terrified. At that moment, my husband- who I’m sure was divinely inspired- opened our bedroom door and saw what was happening. He came in, killed the spiders, and we went out into the living room. They’re just so happened to be more spiders out there, and we had to kill those as well. Evil was making its presence known, as it had done all along.
After the bug cleanup, we sat there. I was crying. He held me. He said “ Amber, I don’t know who you were talking to, but it sure wasn’t God.” Everything shifted at that point. I was tired of my life being in chaos, of crying every day. Living in fear, I was at complete rock-bottom. This experience had unintended consequences in every area of my life. It affected my relationships with family, friends and spouse. I am blessed to have people in my life who have stood by me when I couldn’t have been more wrong. My decisions hurt their well-being. I had been stubborn, prideful and unwilling to change. The next day, I woke up and sat in my living room. I couldn’t believe everything that I had been through. I was wrong. This was crazy. Those weren’t my family members communicating with me and sending me messages. I googled automatic writing. It was satanic! How did I not know?!
I couldn’t believe this new information. “Satan really is real,” I thought to myself. I will never forget the moment that it hit me like a ton of bricks. I cried profusely, grieving for the excessive pain I’d caused myself and others.
I still felt movement in my back. Foreign pressure in different spots on my face. Pain. A lot of pain. Nothing could’ve prepared me for the realization that I was possessed. That I’d been channeling demons for over eight months. Nothing.
I called a dear friend of mine who is experienced in spiritual warfare. I explained my suspicions on my situation. My friends and family came to my rescue and provided a blessing and special prayers over me. Sweet words of comfort and instruction came, this time from Holy sources. I was told that the fight was not over yet.
I tried to go back to life as usual, but it was extremely difficult. Those that shared my body caused me the most anxiety I’ve ever had in my entire life. They used every imaginable power they had to try to destroy me. For weeks I felt them moving around, somehow attached to my soul, sharing every moment of my day with me. I could not eat for days, they made my food taste bad. They made it hard to swallow. They gave me terrible nightmares. Ultimately, I lost 10 pounds. “Just kill yourself,” they told me. “End it all.” “You’ve made the biggest mistake of your life, there’s no going back.” Once again, evil was making its presence known. I cried often due to sheer anxiety. I called my friend, and he gave me the best advice my life:
“This is your life,” he said. “It’s not theirs. You didn’t do anything that you can’t come back from. You’re going to have to force yourself to eat, no matter how bad it tastes. You can’t let them win.”
I began to eat again. A little at a time. It was not easy, but I wasn’t going to let this scum win. By the end of that week I had conquered the food battle, but they were still there. Every night I felt them moving in my back, every night my anxiety was through the roof. I was so desperate, I didn’t know where to turn.
Could I ask God for more help? Was I allowed to? Was God mad at me? I wasn’t religious for years, in fact, I was anti-religion. I didn’t think any of it was real. How could it be? How did I know that Jesus was real? I didn’t ask him to die for me. I didn’t ask him to do any of those things. I wouldn’t expect anyone to die for me. It just seemed selfish of me to expect that. I didn’t know what to do, but I had to do something.
I suddenly felt impressed to ask my husband to pray over me. He saw my distress, my tears, my anxiety. These demons that had attached themselves to me were not going away. My husband looked up some biblical exorcism prayers online, placed his hands upon me while I was sobbing in bed, and recited them. They were powerful-and I felt the rage of the demons inside me. My body began to shake uncontrollably. It was a horrific experience, and my sweet and loving husband did everything he could to help me. After the prayers had ended, I just laid there. It hadn’t worked. Not by any fault of my husband’s. It’s just that God had a different plan, one that would forever change my life. I cried some more, almost accepting my fate. My husband came to bed. He kissed me on the forehead, and told me that this would just take some more time, to keep having faith. He assured me that he was right there next to me, and if I needed anything to let him know. He fell asleep.
In the darkness, I pleaded in a whisper, still crying:
“Someone please help me.”
I begged again:
“Someone please help me.”
Rock bottom. No help in sight. Demons still moving.
And then I whispered:
“Jesus help me.”
Immediately, the bedroom lit up in a beautiful white light. Every cell of my previously nonbelieving body bore witness that I was in the presence of the Son of God.
For the first time in years, I felt true peace. No more fear, no more lies, no more deception. Just peace, beautiful heavenly peace from the Prince of Peace.
Peace was followed by love. He knew my name. He told me that he loved me. He told me that I was going to make it through this experience. I nodded, and tears of gratitude streamed down my face.
Even after all I had said, and all I had done, He had the upmost compassion for me in my suffering.
The extraction began.
One by one, the Savior of the world pulled the demons from my body and sent them back from whence they came. It was a lengthy process; I did not realize how many were actually residing in me. I could feel them leaving, one by one. I began counting them as they left. I lost track at 35.
As each demonic entity was pulled out, I would close my eyes and see their faces. Disgusting, misshapen, horrific images of what had lived inside of me for close to a year. Some of them were just teeth. Sharp, gnashing teeth. I was shocked, but not afraid. Christ was by my side, I felt his presence- I heard his voice. After the last one was extracted and cast out, I was depleted of all of my remaining energy. Unable to speak, I told the Savior “thank you” in my mind, and immediately fell asleep.
The next morning I woke, exhausted, but with a new lease on life. There was no movement in my back. The demons were gone!
What joy! What peace! The nightmare was over. It was truly the greatest miracle of my life, one that I will never forget.
He saved me.
I marvel that He would descend from His throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine
That He should extend His great love unto such as I
Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify
Oh it is wonderful, that He should care for me, enough to die for me
Oh it is wonderful, wonderful to me!
(Excerpt from the hymn I Stand All Amazed)
I personally know that Jesus Christ lives, and if He rescued me, He will rescue you in whatever you are facing. All we need to do is ask Him and He will help us. Return to Him, and He will return to you. All it takes is a tiny bit of faith. He loves all of us regardless of what we’ve done, or haven’t done. He knows each of us personally and by name.
Although my experience was the most terrifying of my life, I would not change the outcome. I’m not the same person that I was a few years ago, and I am grateful for that.
If any of you are facing similar spiritual warfare, please be assured that Christ will help you in your battles.
Anyone who wants to come to Christ and is in need of His help can do so by themselves, or by any Christian faith they choose. Remember, Christ tells us in the Bible: “Where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am also.”
We are all on the same team. We are fighting an evil that is real, and I’ve witnessed it firsthand. I didn’t believe in it for years. I was proven wrong, time and time again. My family and close friends are witnesses to these events, and to my truth.
If you are sad, depressed, anxious, or distraught and you are looking for answers, please go straight to God our Heavenly Father, and His son, Jesus Christ. They will deliver truth to your heart and mind. They will bring comfort to you and the answers you are seeking. This is my prayer for all of you- thank you for reading my story.